You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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