she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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