so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
