so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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