just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
