whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
