Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So here I am, sexting at work.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
