That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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