i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
