my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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