You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards