My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.