Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.