Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.