found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
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Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
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They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment