why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level