I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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