Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
