Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
