If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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