the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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