My hand turned me down
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
