Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
