god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
