HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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