How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
