What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
