The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
