as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
