I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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