Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
