and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
