one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
