I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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