I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
