we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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