We need to start having sex underwater more often.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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