and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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