I CAN MOONWALK!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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