Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
