Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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