Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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