So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
