i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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