Define "chronic" masturbator.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
