i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
