It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
