It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
