Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We got so high we made milksteak
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
