Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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