I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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