Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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