I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
