Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
high people should be assigned attendants
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
