eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
