THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dick very happy bro
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
