I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
