Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
