Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
