don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
