Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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