I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
