his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
