I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I love you.
Bad choice
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