Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
