Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
